Social Media – Not Fun Anymore: Stay and Be Consumed, or Walk Away?

This morning, JVevermind – one of the earliest Vietnamese vloggers I used to admire – shared a long video about how social media no longer brings him joy, along with all the emotional exhaustion it comes with. Like JVevermind, since 2019 – especially after the pandemic and along with my own journey of self-awareness and spiritual growth – I stopped using social media altogether.

Friends would ask: “Are you detoxing from social media or something?” And I’d just say: “No, I’m just home taking care of my kids. I don’t need it at the moment, so I don’t use it. When I need it again, I’ll be back.” That was an honest answer. Because I could never deny the usefulness of social media (just like how we can’t deny the power of AI today). For a long time, as one of the first digital agencies in Vietnam – launching some of the country’s earliest digital campaigns for major brands – it’s undeniable that social media helped support both my company and my family.

But most of us struggle to draw a clear line between using it for work and for personal reasons – especially when personal branding has become both an asset and a business tool. It’s hard to walk away from something so effective and influential. Still, like everything in life, where there is light, there is shadow. Where there’s gain, there’s loss. We don’t just get – we also give something away. When we earn money through social media, we lose our sense of balance and inner peace.

In a book I recently wrote, I talked about how society has been feeding the ego, selling the ego, and how social media algorithms have ignited, provoked, and inflated the ego to a massive scale. From a technical perspective, social media algorithms might be complex. But at their core, they are very simple. They are designed to feed and monetize the ego. And none of us are immune to that trap. Until one day, like JVevermind said, you find yourself wanting to disappear – or you want it (social media) to disappear. But neither of those seems truly possible.

So how do we keep using it – for work, for reach, for benefit – but in a way that’s less damaging, more peaceful, more honest, and eventually, no longer controlling us? Below are some of my personal experiences. I share them in hopes that someone might find them useful.

If you’re not using social media for business or work, the best thing you can do is just log out. From 2019 to 2023, I went from being someone who used social media daily for work – to completely quitting. I only logged in once a year, on either Lunar New Year’s Eve or the first day of the new year, just to send greetings to friends I hadn’t seen in a long time. So, did I live okay without it? Absolutely. In fact, during that time, I still worked remotely sometimes. I still searched for things online when I needed to – but only for what was truly relevant. Because I realized that 99% of my time on social media was spent scrolling through nonsense or talking about myself. And after nearly five years of silence, the act of posting something about myself suddenly felt silly – almost laughable.

In 2023, I had to return to social media for work reasons. Even now, I use it mainly for professional purposes. Occasionally, I have to post photos of myself – but it’s 100% for identification purposes, so people I work with know who I am. Nothing else. Even though I work on projects where I regularly meet famous people – not just from film, music, and the arts, but also from various sectors at national and global levels – I rarely post any pictures with them on my personal account. Simply because I don’t usually take photos with them in the first place. If you ever see a photo of me with a public figure, it’s almost always during a work-related moment.

I’ve never felt like taking a photo with a celebrity and then posting it online to say something clever is particularly important – or necessary for my sense of peace and personal worth. So I no longer feel the need to do it. I learned my lesson after once posting a casual photo of myself hanging out in Belgium with football player Công Phượng. The next day, my face was everywhere in the news. It was annoying – for both me and my friend. Of course, I have tons of photos on my phone – taking pictures is fun, after all. But snapping them casually for fun is one thing; taking them with the intent to brag is something else entirely.

When you’re no longer addicted to those illusions, using social media purely for work becomes totally manageable. I know many people – even celebrities – who have mastered this balance. So no, not everyone on social media is fake or superficial. Sometimes we just haven’t figured out how to live lightly in a world full of performance.

Once you’re part of social media, you become a news broadcaster. A transmitter. And so is everyone else. Which means you must turn on your internal filters – for noise, gossip, and rumors. And also make sure that you aren’t becoming a source of that noise. I’m not a public figure, but do I still have to live with rumors? Yes. Are those rumors cruel? Absolutely. So how do I deal with them?

I remember someone once commented: “Why are all these media professionals so bad at handling crises when it happens to them?” Well… there’s really nothing to say to that. Because it all depends on how you perceive it. If you label something a “PR crisis,” then of course you’ll look for ways to fix it. But in another book, I wrote that the reason some crisis consultants sound so confident is because they’ve never been through a real crisis themselves – or if they have, it wasn’t big enough.

There are some crises you simply cannot fix. If it’s a storm, you can reinforce your home. But if it’s an earthquake or a tsunami – what can you do? It depends on your lens. If you look at it through the lens of spirit or karma, or approach it dialectically, you won’t resist the crisis. You’ll live it. And once you pass through it, you’ll come out stronger, tougher – and you’ll realize what really matters. Unless, of course, you still want to cling, prove, and nurture that little thing called ego.

You might be wondering: So how do you filter the noise and get through the rumors? Maybe the simplest answer is: Don’t believe anything you haven’t seen with your own eyes. And even when you have – the truth behind it might still be very different. For me, even when I’ve had the chance to explain myself, I chose silence. Because people have different stories, different reasons, and very different levels of awareness. So the best thing you can do is to see everything – but only respond to what directly affects your life, your peace, or your safety. Otherwise, just be a calm observer.

Out of all the things we need to train, the most important is our thoughts. Thoughts are the beginning of everything. And their power is far greater than we think. Keep your mind full of kind thoughts. The moment you notice yourself thinking something unkind – stop it. Redirect it. That alone can help you navigate the most complicated things in life.

If you’re a businessperson, an artist, a coach, a performer – someone who cannot avoid using social media – then how do you live peacefully with it, knowing there are always people (and bots) who exist just to be toxic? Maybe the best way is to use it in moderation, authentically, without glamor, without manipulative polish, and not for questionable purposes. I’ve seen many people do that successfully. And every time one more person chooses to behave with integrity on social media, that space becomes a little less toxic. The question is: Are you willing to be that person?

You know the sentence I find both cruel and stupid online? “People who talk about values and morals are usually the ones who live like… lol.” I translate “lol” literally: laugh out loud. And yes, those people probably live quite joyfully. It’s usually the ones who say nothing of value, who don’t live with values either – but who stay online waiting to pounce on others – who are making this ocean of social media more toxic than ever.

So don’t be afraid to speak beauty into the world. Even if you’re not quite living it yet, your heart is already facing that direction. That’s the power of thought. Even when I haven’t done something good yet – saying something good is already a first good deed. Just remember to try and make your actions follow your words. People who say one thing and do another? They’re preaching values with an agenda. It might not be good for them, but what they say could still be meaningful for someone who hears it.

I laughed the other day reading a guy’s post. He said that after reading that “lol” quote, he went and deleted all his past posts about values and inspiration. That means online bullying has succeeded.

And finally, if you live more quietly, more truthfully, and aren’t ruled by illusions anymore – you’ll still know how to use social media without getting mentally exhausted. A concrete step? I abandoned my old account and created a new one – strictly for work. Now, when I open my feed, I no longer see drama, gossip, or show-offs. I see only beautiful things — mostly artwork from people I follow. Because what you consume becomes who you are. It’s still Facebook. But now, each time I log in, I feel calm and happy — even if each post only gets a few likes.

If you still want to keep your old account and old connections without getting drained, maybe just start by doing two things: Hide the people who make you feel heavy, and stop using social media for gossip or showing off. Just those two changes, and you’ll feel the difference already.